Many Faces…Many Places

“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.” ― William …

Come on, start living outside the box!

“If you are holding hands with others, you can’t hold a gun!”  ―Allan Rufus    So let’s face it we all have flaws and all, but some perceive some faults …

What exactly do we love?

Source: What exactly do we love?

What exactly do we love?

 

 

 

 

L•O•V•E

My son asked me to describe love. To be honest, you really can’t describe it. What I delineate love to be is not what someone else would describe it as. I think love is to a greater extent a feeling that triggers all your 5 senses. Is love important, yes love is the most profound emotion known to a human being. It  somehow brings a source of deep fulfillment. I read somewhere that there is nothing like unconditional love, well I beg to differ, there is unconditional love but that is love from a mother to a child. Mothers, be it animals or humans do love their children unconditionally. This, I would presume comes from the fact that a mother helped in the creation of this little human, from an embryo to a fully developed baby. A mother did all she could to make sure that baby was healthy and safe. Took great care of the baby when the baby was at it’s most delicate stage. So by all means, that love grew from conception. Look at it this way, when you pay a call to prison, you will realize that a great number of the visitors tend be mothers visiting their children. That love never fades, no matter what the child did. As for fathers, the love seems to be conditioned to whether he was mentally ready to be a father, if the child will not inconvenience his life, if the child would be part of his legacy among other reasons. Some fathers don’t seem to pay attention to the baby during the most delicate and vulnerable stage, they only become more attentive and involved when the child is old enough.

There is a song I love by Bon Jovi:
“And I will love you, baby, always
And I’ll be there forever and a day, always
I’ll be there ’til the stars don’t shine
‘Til the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme
And I know when I die,
You’ll be on my mind
And I’ll love you always”
See, that kind of love is unequivocally rare, does it even exist? Will I love somebody forever and a day? We humans are not comparable to dogs or pets in general, the love from a pet to the owner is so unconditional. The poor dog would be beaten up, mistreated but he will still wag his tail when he sees the cruel owner, forever and a day indeed! My profile picture on Facebook states that my heart belongs to animals, yes apart from the agape love to my family, animals are the only ones who deserve my heart. The rest is completely conditional, I will love you only and only if you deserve it. That does not mean I hate the rest, hate is a damn elephantine! It’s strange, I do not hate anyone in this world at all whatsoever. Hating is for sure an emotional disease. I always wonder how these people who live lives hating people and holding grudges sleep at night. I just have no energy for grudges and that sort of negativity. Yes I might not talk to some people which is different from hating and grudges but I always clear everything and if I was wrong I apologize, if they are wrong I make sure I forgive them and we go our separate ways.

“I have completely fallen for you, everything you do, everything you say, you are my first thought when I wake up in the morning and last thought before I sleep.” I read such quotes and shake my head, yes I have ever loved someone with every breath and bone in my body, it is an ugly thing to be honest. Why? Because when they dash your hopes, it will shoot you down in flames. Why do we fall in love so easily even though we know the heartbreak would be like falling from a 12 storey building? My problem these days is I am claustrophobic by that limiting world together with a new partner. I feel halfhearted, perhaps, in retrospect, I should be alone or with someone that I got some history with. I guess it’s true, better the devil you know. There is nothing as sad as being with someone because you love the idea of love, being too much in love with the idea of being with someone that you actually lose yourself in the process. You think you are fulfilling a life’s dream or societal milestone by being with someone, living with someone that you actually put out of your mind what happiness is. You become numb, you go home to that sad environment and feel it is Ok to be there because it seems to be the right thing, the comfortable thing. Bit by bit the dolefulness  back home becomes a routine, the emotional darkness has become part of you. You try so hard to live a happy life and show people a painted grin, you put on a show, stained glass masquerade that it has now become a reality in your head, the delusional life sounds so real but the truth is you have created a dangerous inner turmoil. We tend to love too much, a love that ought to be conditional, but we live, breath, eat for the other person and when they shatter our illusions, it becomes a burden to let go. That energy would be utilized in changing things that you can control, like career, education, the environment or town you live in and just letting the rest go, you cannot force another human being to love you. Speaking of forcing love, I always come across these posts in these women’s groups on Facebook that rock me back on my heels. Women, women, women! Why would you go sleep with a corpse, put a kg of liver in your panties then feed it to the man(I think my gorge just rose, goodbye to eating liver in people’s houses) take your man’s underwear, hair, put weird stuff inside you when you go sleep with your man and visit these witchdoctors etc so that he can love you unconditionally? The only person who can love you unconditionally is your mother, nobody else. Well, Jesus too. So, hey there is more to life than losing yourself and your soul to find another soul. I think once you love yourself, you will truly know that there is a limit. If someone doesn’t care about you, or your insecurities drive you to any form of manipulation or threat to make sure they love you, then you have truly lost all meaning of love, life and it’s journey. You are not a superhero, you cannot control anyone but yourself. So drop that emotional baggage and plotting the impossible. Look into what you can capture and control what is within you. Find a hobbie, a vacation or some kind of change. You do not need the man to be happy or wealthy, you can focus on doing it yourself, loving yourself and all your dreams can come true.

Now there is the love (or is it obsession) for money and power. These things have literally blinded people. They have ignored bigger services in life by focusing more on money. Benjamin Franklin once said, “Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.” The late Nicholas Biwott died a rich man, his casket will be bulletproof and made of gold. My question, will that benefit him in anyway? We tend to forget that we are mortals, a wave cast in the ocean, here now, gone soon. Anything can happen to us, anytime any day and no power, wealth or any form of control can stop that. But why do we live like we own the world, we mistreat people, do all sorts of evil forgetting that life is indeed too short to be carrying all that negativity. I had a near death experience and I can assure you that there is an afterlife. What I saw when I was in the verge of balancing the equilibrium of life and death proved that when we die we go to another world. I’m sure your way of life in the other world would be determined by the way you lived in this current world. Now, for sure there is no saint among us, but some people have deviated from the course of rectitude that they just do not care any more to try to do right and change their evil ways. Strangely, we all love life, unconditionally. No matter what, nobody wants to lose their life. The one’s who murder people, what really goes on in their minds when they end another person’s life? “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

The world doesn’t go according to our book of rules, hate might come from things not going your way. Once you accept what life hands you, the more you will embrace loving yourself and life in general. I stopped getting sad at what I haven’t accomplished and looked at what I accomplished in that particular day when I go to sleep. It makes you appreciate little things in life. I once said that I love being alone, this is because once you think love equals being with someone, then you will end up pitiable. Fall in love with yourself. Where there is true love, there is life and you will truly enjoy the scenery on this life’s journey.

Me, Myself and I ☝💗

Source: Me, Myself and I ☝💗

Me, Myself and I ☝💗

As I’m writing this, I’m alone watching monkeys fighting over a fruit. I went hiking, alone. Wondered around Arusha town alone. Sat down and ate alone and will travel back alone. This, these days is very normal for me. Being alone has made me learn more about myself, I know my own strengths, known and embraced my weaknesses with an attitude of change. Always, after spending time alone, I get back feeling much better and most satisfactory thing is I come out a stronger person. All through, growing up, I have always had company. I know how to be in a crowd, I can be super confident, laugh a lot and be generally merry and I love playing host. As much as it is a pleasant thing, if I can compare being alone or being with a crowd, the former wins. I know many people find this recherché and can relate.

Being alone is not tantamount to unhappiness. Many people are told to learn to be happy alone. I find this very challenging for men, a man is rarely alone. A man has to have a companion. For those who watched the TV show Friends, remember Joey? He was the cool guy whom whenever he heard the word commitment or exclusive, he would freak out and run for the hills! Then we had Ross, who was obsessed with getting married that we would have done it 10 times! Most men want to be like Joey but end up being like Ross. It’s really funny, I know of this man who keeps engaging every girl he falls for, of course it never lasts since he is always falling for ms right now. Which makes me wonder, are men that scared of being alone? Men, does the fear of being alone make you marry whoever is Ok at that time? Years down the line, you start to see the disconnection and wonder how you got yourself into the whole thing. Problem is, you now have children, in laws who have grown to respect you. You can’t leave your wife, oh no way, society will take you as a selfish man who didn’t care for his family. So what do they do to avoid the life they seem to be in, this difficult situation they seem to be unable to get away from? They indulge in late night outings drinking crazy with friends in the same boat, or some have a mistress somewhere to get him out of this world during their hookups, or some will just get consumed by work, where his primary and obsessive interest will be work. Why? What happened to these people who are obviously miserable? Was it fear of being alone? I know some men marry to have someone who would be cooking and cleaning for them. This to me, is sad and pathetic.

There are plenty of successful single women, in fact study shows many happy people are older single women. I have an aunt who looks 20 years younger than her real age, I asked her the secret of her lovely looks, and she proudly told me that she had no man to stress her! I know of a friend who vowed to never live with a man, she can date and fall in love with someone but will never go to the extent of living with someone. She says it’s too stressful. It is funny, we have women who will fight tooth and nail to just live with a man, yet we have my lovely friend who enjoys being alone in her house. To me, break up, whether friendship or spouse, isn’t this life and death situation everyone puts it out to be, you break up, move on, get a vacation, it should be a blessing, get back the independence you lost along with all those pounds you put on or lost crying yourself to sleep. The women who take the time and effort to learn who they are and how to love themselves are usually the ones eating alone. They’re their own date, and they’re not ashamed of it. They’d rather eat by themselves than across from someone who doesn’t fulfill what they’re looking for.

So whether you feel loneliness in a crowd, in your marriage, in your workplace, friend circle, religion or culture, there is hope. What I always do is take time alone. Reflect, regain balance, cut off the unnecessary stress and rebuild yourself.

Adios!

Who Runs The World!💄👠👗

 

A woman’s worth… Isn’t it despairing that some women are over 50 years and still have no clue of their worth? The most painful thing is to grow old not reaching your full potential. Women have been brainwashed to accept whatever is being propelled their way with justification being “you are a woman, it should be that way”. Women empowerment promotes equality between men and women, an issue since time immemorial. Men have been put to be the alpha and because of this intimation, women would like to ensure that they get the same or even better since we all know what men are capable of doing, women can equally do them and even better.

I once had an argument with my sons, one wanted to join something that I found rather girlish and I of course put out my sentiments. This brought up the subject of what girls can do and what boys can do, surprisingly to them, girls can do everything boys can do and much more while our male counterparts can do much less. Of course he decided to not join the activity, owing to the fact that his friends would make it a contemptuous mockery.

Feminist have been placed in this category of men-hating, uncouth, disregard of African culture. Truth is, we should all be feminist. Yes, why is it that a woman is burdened with all strains of expectations yet a man can getaway with doing absolutely nothing, with view of the fact that a woman should do it. I teach my boys to cook and the kitchen is a place for anyone, not solely for the woman. Let’s face it, we all eat, is a man going to starve to death simply because the woman is unavailable? As Chimamanda Ngozi says, when a father changes the baby’s diaper, takes care of a baby, he should not be applauded or looked on with favour; he is doing what he should be doing. In addition there’s the idea of 50-50 contribution in the house, in such a situation, I do not see why a woman should be rudely roused from sleep in the middle of the night to prepare or warm up a man’s food, or balance taking care of the baby with irrelevant duties like taking water to the bathroom for the man, fulfilling his insatiable sexual desires at odd hours and if not done, this gives him a reason to freely look for a side-chic. I believe in this generation house chores should be 50-50 and both should be careful not to inconvenience or harm the other. It’s very simple, it is called empathy: putting yourself in someone’s shoe.

 
My father believes with such an attitude I will never find a husband. This is another place we go wrong, why should one aspire to marriage, especially a woman and not aspire to finding herself, her worth, her potential, before taking on the big step. I got “married” at a very early age, being a young “wife” I was tasked with the maintenance of social, intellectual and life’s equilibrium. A girl in her early 20s still finding herself and being a “wife” it goes without saying that it did not go well but I applaud the father of my boys, he is those few exemplary fathers. Being in my 30s, knowing what I now want, what I aspire to be, has opened my eyes to know the right path for me and learnt that marriage is not an achievement but a step we chose to take or not to take.

The pressure for marriage, a potential man, is so much that women see themselves as competitors for the attention and love of men. You see women posting fellow women’s pictures in groups accusing them of “stealing” their husband. Women shaming, scheming underhand plans to destroy another woman because of a man. In such a situation you will find women holding on to misery, wet pillows at night because of the “wife” title. Behaving in such a way that their lives belong to a man and not to them. Marriage to them is a triumphal arch through which you pass to finally get recognized in the society, the wealthier the man, the harder you hold on to the wife title, as a show off. They say if you marry a monster for money, when the money goes you are left with the monster. Plus who gave this outrageous fact that men are naturally polygamous! Seriously? What are we, antelopes? A human being is capable of being with one female and fighting the adulterous behaviour, if he can’t then he wasn’t man enough to be your husband in the first place and was a coward in going ahead with the marriage, knowing deep inside you two were not a match. Most women blame themselves for their husband’s roaming eye, it isn’t your fault lady, not at all, he is the one who went out not you, he is the one who pretended to commit to you knowing very well he was still in the process of sampling for the ‘one’. He is the one who was too lazy to fight to honor your vows. My fellow women, there are plenty  of other people or things to do instead of holding on to the ‘wife’ title, being a woman, you deserve the best in life and this beautiful life has a lot to offer.

I give a standing ovation to single mothers, as much as the society always throws them under the bus for being the cause of deleterious youths, we must give credit where it’s due. Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie, Barbra Streisand, Jay Z, Sean Combs among many successful people were raised solely by their mothers. These women have done a tremendous job to be both the father and the mother of those children. What society forgets is that there actually some women who are married or living with the father of their children but live a life of a single mother. Most of these fathers are rarely in the house, either working or socializing. The mother does basically everything.
Something I find uniquely and absolutely inspiring is women openly supporting and lifting each other up. Women getting together will get more work done and better results. We are not perfect, nobody is but women will deploy one’s flaw and use it to justify a persistent resentment. Not giving dialogue a prospect of solving issues and propelling each other forward. Women will hold grudges because of a man, ladies, if you ever have to fight over a man, you’ve already lost. Why waste your pretty years abusing and worrying about another woman because the man isn’t giving you 100%? When a man’s in 100%, you just have to be your naturally amazing self to make sure he stays that way. If he is acting shady, girl, better dump him because those are the men who block you from reaching your full potential and cloud your true worth. In the animal kingdom, it is the males who fight to win over the female. The alpha male takes the crown. Funny enough, you will never find that with our male counterparts, everything is water under the bridge and they move forward to harness their collective energy by supporting each other. I for one, never believe in fighting over a man, I will leave that man for the woman.  So ladies, instead of fighting over a man’s attention or love, sit back, find your passion, your life, your worth and your path and the alpha male will come to you, and you will not need to cry or beg to be given what you deserve because your alpha male would already know your worth. So leave the shady one who made you stoop so low.

This case is similar to women fighting and loathing each other because of a position. The bitter truth is that two people cannot take the same seat, but why fight over that one particular seat yet you can join hands to make two seats or better, assign each with a task because not everyone is equipped with the same skills and knowledge. Why are there so many failed businesses owned by women but thriving empires owned by men? We merely need to work together, in harmony. That is a bond like no other and together women can rock the world.

 

 

I dream of a day my country will have a woman vying for a presidential seat, have a woman as the running mate and to top it all off, a team of strong women to support and take the big seats. Why does it always have to be these old men? The notion that women simply can’t get along is slow-witted!

We women need to move past the local level, the level the society has put for us, we need to hit the up escalator, no matter what they say, you keep going. We need to avoid normal, it’s true, normal is overrated, avoid being average, basic, having a life that revolves or is controlled by a man, we need to have our own life, our own interests, our own hobbies, our own sadness, adventures, lessons and happiness and lastly we need to believe we are so much worthy of extraordinary and not basic average life. We need to be the fire that lights up the world!

Changes changes…

Source: Changes changes…

Changes changes…

 

 

 

There is nothing magnificent like the opportunity of a second chance. Second chance in life, oh just how wonderful does that sound? It actually feels like your eyes have been opened and you finally see things differently, or your senses have been given an added impetus to change. Your sixth sense now turns out to be spot-on. A breath of fresh air indeed!

What about the second chance in a failed exam, or a second chance in friendship and probably second chance in a relationship? These chances are usually given to a someone who made a mistake. Which brings me to the question; what exactly drove one to make that mistake? Human beings are weak physically and emotionally. We all make mistakes, it is life. Maybe others are prone to bigger mistakes, we can blame their upbringing, something they faced when growing up. Some it is due to a lack of critical thinking skills and making important decisions based on our weak emotions. We actually live and learn that way.

When I look at past mistakes, I do believe life does make you open your eyes. Some of my biggest mistakes are now my push for change. Without the mistake and consequences, I wouldn’t bother changing. I wouldn’t trade these life lessons for anything, I see myself now and I know that I am so much better than I was last year or many years ago.  I am yet to see someone who hasn’t made some sort of mistake in life. None of us learnt how to walk without falling down, right?

I know someone close to me who has  constantly beat himself up for some mistake, so he perpetually designates himself as a loser or worthless person. Forgiveness could be easy but forgiving yourself and getting rid of that guilty feeling is the most difficult. This feeling often makes one fall of the wagon and completely lose track of what is right and what is wrong. Their own guilty conscience and worthlessness clouds their judgment.

So what happens to the people who do wrong to others and have complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame? These people seem to be great at playing the victim. They always have a reason for their actions and in all cases the other person is wrong. I know of a case of a lady who had caused so much pain in someone’s life, for years in fact  and once the one in pain gave up, this lady had the confidence to stake a claim to victory and maintained against denial that she indeed was a victim. This lack guilt, remorse or shame is one of the hallmark traits of lost humanity. It means human beings can now do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened.

Second chances are hard, still, there is nothing easy about forgiveness. It takes courage and a true consciousness of will to let go and allow yourself to come to a place of peace. We all should be given or give second chances, whether you are the victim or the one at fault, besides second chances give us the opportunity to work much harder, pick a new goal and aim at it. It brings peace and a new dawn. Holding onto the past keeps us there, making it impossible to move through the present to our newly-defined future.

 

That said, I will give my fur babies who decided to make my bed a toilet, the con man who got away with quite a lot after brainwashing me and others a second chance. Feel that peace surround me.

Dancing in the rain…

 

According to our very good friend Wikipedia, Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. 
I have always been an optimistic person, I mean nothing in this world can bring me down, I will dance in the storm, take selfies in the middle of the desert, sing with the birds and climb trees if lost in the forest. Question is, is it hope that keeps me going? Incidentally, well relating to what mentioned above, I unquestionably love the wild.

I recently found out that an aquintance attempted suicide. Luckily our felodese, was saved before it was too late. This despairing view of the world made me wonder, did my friend think life would be much better in the other life or just six feet under with no control over anything. I mean I’m so scared of death, the end irks me for sure. I’m the biggest claustrophobic to make matters worse. So the thought of me trapped in a coffin, six feet under, probably in a public cemetery with all kinds of people, yikes not my cup of tea, it’s a pity we will all end up that way in one circumstance or another.

I have been hiking a lot lately, I love it owing to the fact that I let it all hang out, serious unwinding. When you climb a mountain, your patience, will and drive will be challenged. While hiking we had this really steep stretch that made me wonder why I put myself in such misery. I wanted to give up but the hope of seeing that beautiful view  at the peak kept me going. 

Yes, the painful experiences, we all go through that, but the hope that there is light at the end of a tunnel makes life worth living. It’s true, everything that we are currently experiencing in our lives comes about in order to assist us in evolving to a higher level of our consciousness. I have different theories in life, I know when someone is going through a tough time, soon enough depending on their drive and positivity, something good will eventually come. If someone steals from you, you will get double of that. Hey, let’s face it, every dog has it’s day and nobody was put into this world to suffer. We all have our purpose and to reach that purpose we will go through tremendous amounts of challenges. Then at the end your life will be written, the footprints you left behind will be marked.

I laugh like crazy when I’m sad, I actually laugh at my problems and laugh at myself for getting mixed up in all that. Then I get up and limit my challenges. Same thing as child birth, the pain you feel cannot be compared to the joy coming. Kenyans are also full of hope for a better tomorrow, I mean look at this scenario, we vote for this person, he/she is unsuccessful in achieving their promised goals, fail Kenyans in every aspect! But alas come election day we will walk in the break of dawn to stand for hours in the scorching sun, just to vote for that same leader! If that is not optism for a better tomorrow then I don’t know what that is!

I’m this very long journey with a crazy driver who has decided to train for Grand Prix or maybe the hope of seeing Jesus, either way my legs keeping pressing  on this imaginary break! Such a distraction, but hey the thrill is fun! Perfect hope…!

Adios