A woman’s worth… Isn’t it despairing that some women are over 50 years and still have no clue of their worth? The most painful thing is to grow old not reaching your full potential. Women have been brainwashed to accept whatever is being propelled their way with justification being “you are a woman, it should be that way”. Women empowerment promotes equality between men and women, an issue since time immemorial. Men have been put to be the alpha and because of this intimation, women would like to ensure that they get the same or even better since we all know what men are capable of doing, women can equally do them and even better.
I once had an argument with my sons, one wanted to join something that I found rather girlish and I of course put out my sentiments. This brought up the subject of what girls can do and what boys can do, surprisingly to them, girls can do everything boys can do and much more while our male counterparts can do much less. Of course he decided to not join the activity, owing to the fact that his friends would make it a contemptuous mockery.
Feminist have been placed in this category of men-hating, uncouth, disregard of African culture. Truth is, we should all be feminist. Yes, why is it that a woman is burdened with all strains of expectations yet a man can getaway with doing absolutely nothing, with view of the fact that a woman should do it. I teach my boys to cook and the kitchen is a place for anyone, not solely for the woman. Let’s face it, we all eat, is a man going to starve to death simply because the woman is unavailable? As Chimamanda Ngozi says, when a father changes the baby’s diaper, takes care of a baby, he should not be applauded or looked on with favour; he is doing what he should be doing. In addition there’s the idea of 50-50 contribution in the house, in such a situation, I do not see why a woman should be rudely roused from sleep in the middle of the night to prepare or warm up a man’s food, or balance taking care of the baby with irrelevant duties like taking water to the bathroom for the man, fulfilling his insatiable sexual desires at odd hours and if not done, this gives him a reason to freely look for a side-chic. I believe in this generation house chores should be 50-50 and both should be careful not to inconvenience or harm the other. It’s very simple, it is called empathy: putting yourself in someone’s shoe.
My father believes with such an attitude I will never find a husband. This is another place we go wrong, why should one aspire to marriage, especially a woman and not aspire to finding herself, her worth, her potential, before taking on the big step. I got “married” at a very early age, being a young “wife” I was tasked with the maintenance of social, intellectual and life’s equilibrium. A girl in her early 20s still finding herself and being a “wife” it goes without saying that it did not go well but I applaud the father of my boys, he is those few exemplary fathers. Being in my 30s, knowing what I now want, what I aspire to be, has opened my eyes to know the right path for me and learnt that marriage is not an achievement but a step we chose to take or not to take.
The pressure for marriage, a potential man, is so much that women see themselves as competitors for the attention and love of men. You see women posting fellow women’s pictures in groups accusing them of “stealing” their husband. Women shaming, scheming underhand plans to destroy another woman because of a man. In such a situation you will find women holding on to misery, wet pillows at night because of the “wife” title. Behaving in such a way that their lives belong to a man and not to them. Marriage to them is a triumphal arch through which you pass to finally get recognized in the society, the wealthier the man, the harder you hold on to the wife title, as a show off. They say if you marry a monster for money, when the money goes you are left with the monster. Plus who gave this outrageous fact that men are naturally polygamous! Seriously? What are we, antelopes? A human being is capable of being with one female and fighting the adulterous behaviour, if he can’t then he wasn’t man enough to be your husband in the first place and was a coward in going ahead with the marriage, knowing deep inside you two were not a match. Most women blame themselves for their husband’s roaming eye, it isn’t your fault lady, not at all, he is the one who went out not you, he is the one who pretended to commit to you knowing very well he was still in the process of sampling for the ‘one’. He is the one who was too lazy to fight to honor your vows. My fellow women, there are plenty of other people or things to do instead of holding on to the ‘wife’ title, being a woman, you deserve the best in life and this beautiful life has a lot to offer.
I give a standing ovation to single mothers, as much as the society always throws them under the bus for being the cause of deleterious youths, we must give credit where it’s due. Barack Obama, Angelina Jolie, Barbra Streisand, Jay Z, Sean Combs among many successful people were raised solely by their mothers. These women have done a tremendous job to be both the father and the mother of those children. What society forgets is that there actually some women who are married or living with the father of their children but live a life of a single mother. Most of these fathers are rarely in the house, either working or socializing. The mother does basically everything.
Something I find uniquely and absolutely inspiring is women openly supporting and lifting each other up. Women getting together will get more work done and better results. We are not perfect, nobody is but women will deploy one’s flaw and use it to justify a persistent resentment. Not giving dialogue a prospect of solving issues and propelling each other forward. Women will hold grudges because of a man, ladies, if you ever have to fight over a man, you’ve already lost. Why waste your pretty years abusing and worrying about another woman because the man isn’t giving you 100%? When a man’s in 100%, you just have to be your naturally amazing self to make sure he stays that way. If he is acting shady, girl, better dump him because those are the men who block you from reaching your full potential and cloud your true worth. In the animal kingdom, it is the males who fight to win over the female. The alpha male takes the crown. Funny enough, you will never find that with our male counterparts, everything is water under the bridge and they move forward to harness their collective energy by supporting each other. I for one, never believe in fighting over a man, I will leave that man for the woman. So ladies, instead of fighting over a man’s attention or love, sit back, find your passion, your life, your worth and your path and the alpha male will come to you, and you will not need to cry or beg to be given what you deserve because your alpha male would already know your worth. So leave the shady one who made you stoop so low.
This case is similar to women fighting and loathing each other because of a position. The bitter truth is that two people cannot take the same seat, but why fight over that one particular seat yet you can join hands to make two seats or better, assign each with a task because not everyone is equipped with the same skills and knowledge. Why are there so many failed businesses owned by women but thriving empires owned by men? We merely need to work together, in harmony. That is a bond like no other and together women can rock the world.
I dream of a day my country will have a woman vying for a presidential seat, have a woman as the running mate and to top it all off, a team of strong women to support and take the big seats. Why does it always have to be these old men? The notion that women simply can’t get along is slow-witted!
We women need to move past the local level, the level the society has put for us, we need to hit the up escalator, no matter what they say, you keep going. We need to avoid normal, it’s true, normal is overrated, avoid being average, basic, having a life that revolves or is controlled by a man, we need to have our own life, our own interests, our own hobbies, our own sadness, adventures, lessons and happiness and lastly we need to believe we are so much worthy of extraordinary and not basic average life. We need to be the fire that lights up the world!